


Teach You How to Kill Me

by Nekoluver



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Billdip Week, Drabble, Flirting, Learning magic with Bill, M/M, Pre-Relationship, you may have to squint but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5428430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekoluver/pseuds/Nekoluver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So whattaya say, Pine Tree? Wanna learn some magic?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teach You How to Kill Me

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops! I just realized that I never actually uploaded this on here. I may take it down later cuz this may or may not be turning itself into a multi-chapter fic... But in the meantime here it is! 
> 
> BillDip Week 1  
> Day 5, Thursday: Learning Magic With Bill

Bill Cipher had been a serious thorn in the Pines twin’s sides for years. He was great at backing them into a corner and trapping them in deal after deal. No matter what they did, it felt like Bill was always three steps ahead of them, always waiting with an outstretched hand to get what he wanted. It was a vicious cat and mouse game, and Dipper was getting really sick and tired of being the mouse. “Ugh, I wish I could kill you!” he grumped hallway through Bill’s latest sales pitch.

Bill paused in the middle of his rant, cane still raised in the air from flailing it around for emphasis. His eye stared straight through Dipper for a moment before he began cackling, an unearthly sound that echoed in Dipper’s ears. He floated close to Dipper’s face, the teen being forced to take a step back. Bill flashed red for a moment, his triangular body giving off a menacing wave of heat. “I’d like to see you _try_ , Pine Tee.” After a beat the demon’s demeanor suddenly changed, his eye widening for a moment before he started cackling again. “Oh, that’s a _great_ idea. Let’s do it!”

Dipper scowled at him in confusion. It seemed like after all this time he’d be used to Bill’s antics- to the random subject changes, the mood swings, the hyperactivity- apparently not. “Do _what_?” He could feel a headache coming on.

Bill lifted tiny hands and placed them on either side of Dipper’s face. “Pine Tree, I’m going to teach you how to kill me.”

“WHAT?” Dipper shoved Bill out of his face, pure shock tingling up his spine.

The demon burst into a fit of giggles, spinning through the air like he’d lost control of his body. Suddenly he stopped, leaning against his cane and wiping a single tear from his eye before turning serious once more. “I would like to propose a deal.”

“Of course you would,” Dipper deadpanned.

“ _What_ is the only thing in this entire _universe_ that can kill a demon?” Bill continued as if there’d been no interruptions.

“Uhh… Magic?” Dipper ventured, curious despite himself.

“ _Magic_!” Bill exclaimed, his eye impossibly wide. “So whattaya say, Pine Tree? Wanna learn some magic?”

Dipper regarded him hesitantly. “What’s your price?”

Bill’s eye curved upward, knowing he’d already won one battle. “You don’t try to kill him until I’ve taught you everything I know.”

Dipper scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “No deal.”

The demon flashed red again. “Why _not_?” he demanded.

“You’d never teach me everything you know about magic.” Bill looked like he wanted desperately to interrupt, but Dipper held up a hand to stop him. “And even if you _would_ , I’d be dead a long time before you actually _could_.”

“Ooh Pine Tee, you’re so _perceptive_!” Somehow the compliment felt like a threat. “So how about this then, I give you one year to learn everything you can about magic, and we’ll duel it out at the end of the term. You win, and I’m gone from Gravity Falls forever.”

“What happened to killing you?” Dipper asked in annoyance, feeling a twitch develop behind his eye as that obnoxious cackling began again.

“Woo Pine Tree, you’re _hilarious_!”

Dipper’s face colored in shame, anger boiling at the ridicule. “W-well if you’re not going to teach me enough to kill you then what’s the _point_?” he snapped.

“That’s pretty twisted of you, Pine Tree.” The jerk sounded like he was smirking, floating around Dipper like a planet orbiting the Sun.

Dipper’s hands were clenched tight at his sides, eyes shut against the torment. Really, he could only handle so much, and he reached his breaking point years ago. “What if I lose?”

“I eat your eyeballs!” Demon or not, no one had the right to say something like that so cheerily.

Dipper ran his hands through his hair in frustration before opening his eyes, nearly jumping back because of the blue flames burning just beyond his nose. Bill was being eerily quiet, which could only be a bad sign. Still, how could Dipper refuse? Not only could they be rid of Bill _forever_ , but… Well, what kid hadn’t dreamed of being able to do magic?

The flames spread from Bill’s hand up Dipper’s arm. He could feel something tingle in his veins, warming him from the inside out. He looked down at his hand, fascinated by the sensation until he realized holy shit the flames weren’t dyingout and his skin was _hot_ and Bill just laughing and laughing and- Dipper flung his arm violently to the side in an attempt to shake off the flames. Surprisingly it worked, but it also set the nearest tree aflame. Dipper watched in awe as it rapidly turned to ash.

“Aww Pine Tree, you’re already learning!”

**Author's Note:**

> :3c


End file.
